Welcome
Dale Patrick Smrekar is a Florida based writer of satirical short stories and novels. He also writes fantasy, suspense and thriller novels. He has been published in two literary magazines, St Leo University's Sandhill Review, and more recently in the Freedom Fiction Journal featuring his satircal short story, Santa Claus is Coming to Town..
He will be graduating from St. Leo University's Creative Writing M.A. program this summer.
In real life Dale is a downsizing expert, certified personal property appraiser and owner of Downsizing Advisory Service a 22 year old company serving west central Florida. In a previous life, he was a Vice President with a personality testing firm and wrote numerous human behavior and employee selection articles for a variety of trade publications, including Radio Ink, American Agent & Broker, etc., and a guest columnist for the Tampa Tribune. He has conducted over three hundred local and national seminars on a variety of subjects. Dale is a member of the Association of Writers & Writing Programs, Authors Guild, Tampa Writers Alliance.
Dale is currently seeking representation for Why's Humanity So F'd Up?, an 89,200-word satirical fantasy novel about a dysfunctional afterlife world. It's a heaven and hell where no one is infallible, bad decisions are made and humanity is now left to its own devices. Comparable novels are Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett and Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore.
Below is a partiaql synopsis for my completed novel. Literary Agents may contact me at das@ij.net for the full synopsis and sample chapters.
George Faringheight is a mouthy, ego filled dead, dead file detective. It's all he knows. It's all he wants to be, even in death. Now, he's banished from heaven and assigned to St. Peter and the Devil to teach him humility and grind down his rough edges because of a thoughtless quip about the All-Knowing Infinite Being's pious heavenly choir. They will reanimate him as a drug addled male prostitute, an unhinged female prostitute's partner, her pet dog, a young Vatican nun, the Devil's handyman and partner, and the detective charged with the responsibility of finding the AWOL Devil. Each life ends in death. Now he's facing off against the crazed Reverend Mother Sophia who's taken over Hell and Purgatory and wants to bring Armageddon to humanity before conquering Heaven. Faringheight just wishes someone in the afterlife would help him by doing their damn job, cause he's tired of it all.
It doesn't help that those in the afterlife are dysfunctional and prone to irrational behavior. Take the All-Knowing Infinite Being. The All-Knowing Infinite Being is done with humanity after the crucifixion, humanity's continuing failure to follow the ten commandments and their incessant pleadings and prayers. Answering prayers was never the It's thing. It thought guardian angels would solve the prayer problem. That didn't work. Now It's stuck with millions of useless guardian angels. The All-Knowing Infinite Being has checked out and just wants to be left alone to enjoy its cherished heavenly choir. Humanity is on its own.
The Devil is a basket case. He whines that no one ever talks about him or fears him. He's suffering a major identity crisis and longs for the thirteenth century, when the Devil was someone humans feared and respected. Today's evangelicals seem to be better at evil than he's ever been. Maybe he looks too much like that actor, Jon Hamm. The Devil hates Hell. Could it be all the evangelicals he's admitted? Their judgmental attitudes, questionable ethics, wishy washy rules and behavioral correctness have made Hell, well, Hell for him. He needs counseling, but who's qualified to counsel the devil? Now he's gone missing, and no one's heard from him. Maybe he's dead.
St. Peter is just one soul from a complete meltdown. Stuck judge, judge, judging at the Pearly Gates for eternity, he's become moody and vindictive. Faringheight is often his target. St. Peter has no friends, just dead people awaiting his judgment and lining up as far as the eye can see. He's never been off the judging podium. Sometimes in a fit, he just opens the Pearly Gates and lets everyone in. Possessive, he keeps all the good music souls to himself. Hell, he's even admitted Charlie Manson into heaven, because he heard he was a talented songwriter. Charlie exists in that weird section of heaven. When the lines get short, St. Peter often wonders why he's never been inside the Pearly Gates. Maybe he's too judgmental.
This is George Faringheight's miserable afterlife. Death after death, until a mean as a wolverine nun, the Reverend Mother Sophia, breaks out of Hell after the Devil goes missing. She's taken Hell and now advances on Earth. Armageddon is coming and the powers of the afterlife have thrown Faringheight in her path. He's promised a battalion of guardian angels, but the Reverend Mother has already eviscerated them. In a last gasp effort and because no one respects female angels, St. Peter assigns the beautiful slaughter angel, Miracle, to help Faringheight. Purgatory falls and the Reverend Mother continues to advance. Heaven is trembling. The Reverend Mother has already killed Faringheight three times. Their rematch doesn't look favorable. If Heaven falls to the Reverend Mother, it's his and everyone's last life.